I have learnt this in life: No matter what, if you passionately, unstoppably and faithfully want something, and pray for it day and night, that thing will be certainly granted to you, and often, this would happen when you do not really feel the need for having it anymore, but you would be gently pleased when it would come to you. Strange, isn't it?
That is one of the laws of universe: want it, put a lot of passion into wanting it, then after you used all your passion and your mind calms itself down, let it go. It will come to you instantly.
I think perhaps this is God's way to inrease our potential for desiring things in our life. It is very hard, though, to start yielding to this law, since but if we are granted with something we passionately want (i. e. need) right away, the very fact of having that thing would appease our sense of urgency, and would stop our lazy minds from appreciating it the way it really is. Perhaps by wanting something passionately and persistently without having it, we naturally increase our emotional capability to accept it when it comes after we have calmed down.
This has worked for me in almost every single area of my life, but the most important one is, being lonely and weird in many ways, I started wanting to find my soulmate 5 years ago. I was 21 when I first started thinking of getting married, or I'd better say, when I first stopped my psychological resistance to the idea of getting married at all -- sharing things with a man on a very intimate level. That had always sounded like the scariest thing in the world, but something happened in my life that softened my emotions a bit: I gradually felt attracted to one of my university professors when I was a sophomore, a half-Persian, half-Austrian guy who seemed not to be threatening as a "man". He was handsome, into classical music, playing the guitar and the cello (it was not really customary for too many people in Iran to play the European instruments). I was (and am) in love with European classical music and also English language, which he could speak with the right accent. Needless to say, despite the fact that he was known for giving "nightmarish tests", I got the highest mark for that course -- for obvious reasons: I was studying those lessons and doing the homework not diligently, but rather, "passionately". All just to announce my affection for him.
I remember when I said to me closest friend that I think "I like Mr. ...", she hugged me and kissed my cheeks, all excited, saying, "You see, my lovely Tina... there can be men to whom you may feel attracted!" That was true. Perhaps before, I had come to the conclusion that I wouldn't want to be with any man, since I had not seen the type of man I could like. I started praying to God to send my soulmate, the man whom He has specially created for me, to me -- and strangely enough, I got this feeling in me that my marriage would not be "regular", and that my soulmate was living in another geographical part... very far from me.
It took me 2 years of passionate prayer, day and night, a lot of hope and tears. I started keeping a diary, talking to my "man", as if he was already there with me, in front of me, holding me. I could visualize our happy life together... almost every single moment of it.
It would be simplistic to say that this huge amount of emotional energy released in the universe could leave it unaffected. Actually, it moved the universe to work for us, my soulmate and me, to meet eachother.
Then there came a period of me losing my passion and being all calm... still waiting, though, in the back of my mind. I kept praying, not frantically anymore -- very gently. That calmness was strange to me, since obviously the desire was still in me, but as if I had already burnt out my passion for it... it was there in a very invisible way.
I graduated as the top student of English Language and Literature Department. I passed the entrance exam for MA, ranked 11 in Iran (English Language and Literature), and continued my schooling in the same university.
It was on September 16th, 2004, 2: 34 pm that John sent me an offline message:
"I apologize if I offended you... but certainly I did not mean to. I'm not even sure if I'm sending this to the rigth person, but anyway, have a nice day."
I was puzzled. I looked at the Yahoo ID and coudn't recognize it. I just replied back: "Who is this, please?" and after 1 minute this window popped out: "This is John, if you remember. We chatted in this conference room a few days ago... three of us." Only then I vaguely remembered him. One of my American online friends whom I had known for couple of years had kept talking about this "coworker" who was a nice guy, loved cats and played the classical guitar, "just like you, Tina!" he had exclaimed. I had not paid any attention, though, since despite of his sheer intelligence, this friend of mine was not mentally/emotionally stable, and I was used to his episodes of getting excited over weird things. After a while, he had asked me if it was ok to invite his friend to this conference room, so that three of us could chat. I had said, "sure, go ahead" while multitasking, editing my essays and so on. He introduced him to me, and we all had a short conversation there, perhaps 5 minutes, and we finally got into a mild argument perhaps, then I had to say bye and get back to my essays. Later John told me he had hurriedly copied/pasted my yahoo ID in the conference room to be able to send me messages later!
And there he was. After couple of months, John once casually mentioend that he had got to this point in his life he had desperately started praying to God to send his woman to him. And he had met me after a few weeks. I was not surprised.
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